Thursday, March 21, 2013

Background Part 2

Alright so it seems my first post on my background seemed to resonate with a lot of you which I'm glad! Thank you for the feedback! So that was a basic overview but I thought I'd go a little more in depth from the beginning. There are so many stages to gaining weight and so many feelings every day it can get a little overwhelming.
     So I guess I will start with High School. It's rough, I think that goes without saying. The popular thin girls, the sporty girls, then the big girls, the shy girls, all that. I loved school I really did. I took art, was in Choir, played volleyball for the first couple of years (I had been playing since elementary school). I dated, went to all the games and events and had a blast.  Even though I was active and did sports I could never compare to my teammates. Even if I might have been better on the court (no I'm not bragging) they had it all, cute clothes, super thin and pretty. Great at hair and makeup and just in that popular crowd that was always on homecoming court. The girls you wanted to be.  I was always the biggest. Not to mention I was very "top heavy" from 4th grade I was a size C. It's a little creepy to look at in pictures.
    My knee injury (from basketball in 7th grade, surgery involved) and what I felt was an unfair bias eventually led me to stop volleyball. So of course I gained and became out of shape. But whatever I had my best friends and we had fun, I could still go shopping with them but like I said before I said before it was really hard buying a large or XL in some cases. I couldn't try on there clothes and that hurt. I was never ok with it but it was what it was.
   I ran into a crowd who long story short made me lose who I was. I no longer had me best friends my Senior year that I had had since 5th grade. Things happened that I'm not proud of and still haunt me today. Basically these people were losers and still are.  In the end when I broke up with a guy and I was treated like garbage by the whole crowd. Everyone stared at me in school and I was even more body conscious and miserable. I turned to food. 
    I graduated early and got a job. Immediately every person who walked through the door was, in my mind, someone judging me. It's a terrible nagging feeling.
   A few months later I messaged a boy about his art on Myspace, a boy who I had only seen briefly in a few classes. Luckily he was what I needed to feel better about myself.  We would go on walks every night so I could get in shape, and so he could get in shape for the Marine Corp. Yes that's right I'm now married to that boy from Myspace haha!

Well that was a long rant. Part 3 will come soon I promise. So from this please take away  that it only takes one thing to start a better life, a new you. You just have to be willing to find it.

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